Letters from India

Just wanted to let ya'll know that I will have a separate blog for updating you guys on my adventures in India.  Subscribe to it if you want to make sure that you don't miss out on ANY of the awesomeness coming from my journeys and learnings. :D

I'M GOING TO INDIA!!

Hey, everyone!!

Guess what. I'm officially going to India this September! God's been telling me to go there and now it's been confirmed with an acceptance letter from the organization.

With who?
I'm going with an organization called Youth With A Mission (YWAM), who's main motive is to know God and make Him known. They focus on giving opportunities for young people to demonstrate Jesus' love to the whole world. They operate in more than 1000 locations in over 180 countries. If you'd like more info on YWAM, go here.

How long?
Nine months all together (crazy, I know). The first five months will be the lecture phase where we'll learn about God and receive relationship based mentorship for different areas. Then there will be two months of outreach (March and April) where we will split in teams and travel to different locations, showing God's care and love to those in need, and practicing what we have learned. Then in May, we'll come back to finish the school, and the projects for the creative tracks (more on the creative aspect below). In June we'll have the grand finale (graduation), and then I'll come back!

Why?
Ever since I've known Jesus, He has put a burning passion in my heart to share His love, goodness, and salvation with everyone. I've always felt called to be a 'missionary' (if that's what you want to call it) of some sort. So when I graduated last spring, I asked God where He wanted me to go, and after much seeking and learning to hear His voice, He has told me to go to this school. I know that may sound pretty weird to 'hear God's voice', but when I look back on it, I do not see how it could logically have been anyone or anything else.

It has a music focus!
It's a prophetic school of the arts with various creative tracks. I, of course, will be in the music track, where I will learn to listen to God's voice, create together with Him and communicate it through the powerful tool of the arts! Through various assignments I'll learn to write, produce, and arrange songs. I'd like to bring my cello with me, but if that turns out to be too much of a hassle, I'll bring my guitar (which is much easier to carry around). If you'd like more info on this specific school, go here.

How you can help:
- Please pray! Seriously, that's the biggest thing you could possibly do to help. I will have to totally rely on my heavenly Father (God) and cannot afford to let anything get in the way of that. I'll be blogging to keep you updated on specific things to pray for, but right now please pray that all the preparation will go smoothly, and that the rest of the needed finances (approximately $2,000) will come in before I leave. God told me to go, so He will provide the way. :D
- Also, please ask God about helping me out financially (and honestly, if it's a small amount, it still helps). If you would like to, please send it by Sept. 22, and let me know if you need my mailing address. But please know that it's your prayer and love support that's the biggest help! :)

Thank you!
And Jesus' peace and love be with you!
~ Zoe

"So that I can show My goodness."

The other day, I was going for a walk in the gorgeous weather, when I was taken aback by the beauty all around me. I couldn't believe how richly BLUE the sky was, or how vibrantly GREEN the grass was.... or how intricate the heads of grass were.

Yes, these are pretty normal things, and things that I see every day, but today it was different for some reason. It was like a veil was lifted from over my eyes, revealing a world that I recognized, but never with such clarity and overwhelming amazement. It was kind of like a baby being outside for the first time. Or a child delighted and curious about every site, feeling, and smell that is outside. Everything was so AMAZING. I don't think we take enough time to really SEE all that we take for granted...

So as I was walking along, gaping at everything, I asked God;

"God, why did you do this? Why did you decide to make this all so detailed and intricate and vibrant and beautiful? "

And He said; "So that I can show My goodness." (It was unmistakably God. It was so clear and definitely not something that I had concocted in my head.)

That amazed me. (...And I thought I had had enough amazement for the day! ;))

Once I was over the realization of how TRUE that was, I asked God;

"But, what about the bad things in nature?"

And He said; "Zoe, that's not Me. That's sin."

...

Man, it took me forever for that all to sink in. It was one of those things that is so TRUE that you feel it gradually sink into your soul, and then stays planted there never to be uprooted. Maybe after a while, it'll get buried somewhat, but it's THERE nevertheless.

God is not some old man up in the clouds looking down on us, judging our ever move with a frown. Yes, He is to be revered... but He is also to be LOVED. And so He wants to show that He is worthy of our love and that we have a reason to love Him. God is good... And He shows that goodness so that we can love him at our own choice. 

I love you, Father!! :D

Soaked and Overflowing

Yes, I am bringing LIFE back to this blog!! :D

Last night I had an INCREDIBLE time with some friends. I'm telling you, it was friendship in it's fullest glory; sharing, talking about what God is showing us, talking about God in general, reading His word, PRAYING, listening to Him, laughing, and just...... being. Hanging out, but with God THERE.

I really wanted to get together with some people, just to hear what God might be saying to each of us. And to encourage each other. God designed us to be in companionship with fellow believers, so that we can help each other out, but He also uses someone else to say something to you. It's just like how He designed the human body... with a head, hands, feet etc. When all the parts are together, then the body works wonderfully. So, when all the different parts of the Church's body (people) are working together, then it's complete! (And we can bring God's kingdom!)

"Truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” - Jesus (Matthew 18:19-20)


I saw this ^ happen last night!! We specifically prayed for God's presence to come, for us to hear His voice, and for Him to lead our discussion. AND HE DID! He was THERE, and He SPOKE to me (by giving me a picture - and I don't normally get pictures like that! It was incredible!), and He LEAD OUR DISCUSSION! Looking back on it now I'm realizing how everything tied together so perfectly. The random passages of the Bible we read and what we were talking about really clicked together. I really felt that God was leading it all. Which is the whole point.


Haha, it's funny because I was actually kinda nervous about it all beforehand. I hadn't really done anything like this before and I really wanted God to lead it all. To be honest, I was afraid that we wouldn't be able to hear Him. But we prayed for God to open our hearts to hear Him, and HE DID! :D


Anyways, this morning, as I was biking back from the neighbour's farm (I'm taking care of it this weekend - so much fun! :D), I was thinking about some of the things we talked about last night (there was so much, that I need a while to process it all!). Then I got a sort of revelation!! 


I was thinking about what we were discussing about our motives behind being good. Do we want to do what is right so that we can feel good about ourselves? Do we want to be righteous, or SELF-righteous? If those are our motives than we will just become prideful. However, it is important that we try to be good/do good things, but we should only do it if our motives are right. So what is the right motive? To honour God... to obey Him when He says to "Love your neighbour as yourself" and to "Love the Lord with ALL your heart, mind, strength and heart."


So here's the sort of revelation I got when biking in the rain: 
Honouring God is different than trying to please Him. Nothing we can do can make Him any more pleased with us than He is. Nor is there anything we can do to EARN His grace, favour, and love. We never deserved His goodness towards us in the first place, and we can't even BEGIN to deserve such amazing gifts that He gives us. But (to quote Reliant K) "The beauty of grace, is that it isn't fair." He still has grace, and He still is pleased with us. The picture I had was exactly that; Jesus was laughing and playing with us, like we were all his little children. He smiles with us. He is delighted in us (no matter how messy we are). haha!!! That's so cool. :) But it's neat because I didn't think of this. It was God showing me....


So I don't think honouring God is about pleasing Him, but more about THANKING Him! When someone does so much good to you as Jesus does, than one can't help but praise Him. And when you spend time with Him, in His presence, then His goodness fills you up! Till you're OVERFLOWING, that it's just NATURAL for good things to come out of you. When you spend time with God, then His Spirit fills you up, and SEEPS THROUGH. Then the good things you do isn't you anymore, but GOD!! Then naturally, all the glory goes to Him... because you know it wasn't you! Isn't that incredible?


Haha. I love that whole concept. I was laughing as I was getting SOAKED during my bike-ride.  


Sooo....
> Being 'good' means to honour God 
> Honouring God means showing gratitude to Him, (thanking and praising Him)
> We show gratitude to Him BECAUSE of all that He does! 
> And we become open to the good that God does when we SPEND TIME with Him. 

Behind Your Eyes

It's so easy to hide one's pain, hurt, and tears when going through a hard time. Often times when I'm struggling, I try to cover it up and look strong. I'll put this image up of myself towards the people around me and even towards God. I'll think that I'm strong enough on my own, and that I don't need to ask God for help or seek encouragement and prayer from others. This, of course, only makes the problem worse.


So one day I was sitting and thinking about stuff.... and then started writing this song. It was like God was talking to me through my pen. It's kind of hard to explain, but I was just writing away, and then I looked again at what I was writing and was like 'woah. That's totally God saying this!' It was as if it wasn't my words, but His. He was telling me that He sees everything in me. There is nothing I can hide from Him, so it's silly for me to try to. The beautiful thing about it though, is that no matter how much dirtiness He may see in me, He doesn't love me less. No matter how much I fail, I am still the 'apple of His eye'.


God sees your heart. He knows perfectly well how hard life can get. And if you mess up in serving Him or living for Him, He understands and is still delighted in your willing heart. Keep your heart open to Him... :)

"Your weakness
Is where My grace is strong.

Your messes

Are not too much for me."

"Rosy Cheeks, Button Noses."

Lately, the poetry that I've been writing has been totally free verse, but this time I made a point of keeping a rhythm and rhyme scheme. I thought that I should force myself to do that more and I found that I like it more than I thought I would. Yes, it does give you boundaries, but they're the sort that help you to be more creative, I found. Sometimes when I write free verse, it's almost too much freedom; I become overwhelmed with possibilities. But if I have a certain amount of restriction, then I learn to work within that.... creatively! 

The idea of this poem was inspired by the children that I work with. I have a nanny/housecleaning job for a family with lots of kids, and I often find myself taking care of (and playing with! :D) the four youngest ones (ages 1 - 6). There is something so precious about that age group; they are so simple, creative, content, and.... happy! Even though they can be mischievous, there is still a sense of purity and innocence about them that is unique to that young of an age. I've been working with these kids for quite a few years, so I have seen their not-so-good sides a lot, and have gotten tired out at times, but those things never seem to override the joy that I get from caring for them. And they teach me SO much about how I should be in many ways. Especially in the trusting aspect. :)

Enjoy! =)

Rosy Cheeks, Button Noses

By Zoe N.

Rosy cheeks,

Button noses;

Dancing feet

To laughter’s song.

Dirty hands,

And hunts for bugs;

Made up lands,

And soup from mud.

Life’s so free

When just a child;

All can be

A world of joy.

They don’t hear

A word you say,

As impure

Or devious.

Quick t’forgive,

With hearts to please;

Joy to live,

And quite content.

It makes sense

Our Lord asks for

Innocence

Like a child.

All through life,

A childe-like heart,

I do strive

To always have.

I’m at ease

In trusting Him;

All my needs

He meets and more.

As a dad

Sees his children,

Just like that

Does He see me.

Life’s so free

When trusting Him;

All can be

A world of joy.

Rosy cheeks,

Button noses;

Dancing feet

To laughter’s song.

Poems

I was going through files on my computer and came across some poems that I had written quite a few years ago, so I thought I would share them. :)

-----

This first one, I think, was my very first time rhyming in a poem.

Praises

Praise God when I am down!

He will keep me strong.

I shall stand firm and not be blown

By the things that are wrong.

Evils will come at me at every angle

But because of His power,

My life they shan't entangle.

He is my strong tower.

Praise God when I am low!

For Your glory is shining

In me so I may show

That You never seize loving!

Praise God in the darkness

He brings the everlasting light

And always brings the joyness.

My Father makes things right.

My Father makes me happy

In a world full of darkness.

Because I love my Daddy,

I'm a light in the blackness.

When I feel like crying

Because of being left here

And feel my passion dying

I know You'll always be there.

-----

This next one I wrote as an assignment (this one was a lot of fun :D).

Psalm of Praise to Our Creator

Every moment of every day

Is there proof of Your existence

Screaming through all that You've made.

We are overwhelmed by Your presence.

As we gaze upon the sunsets,

We see the vibrance of the Painter.

As we incline to the voices of the birds,

We hear the songs of the Composer.

As we dance among the rolling hills,

We notice the shapes of the Molder.

Our uniquenesses are like Your colour scheme

And our voices are a song for you.

Our lives are continuous dances for Your Majesty.

We are clay for Your potter's wheel; ready to be used.

Song quoted in the last post

Here is 'The Shadow Proves the Sunshine' by Switchfoot.

"The Shadow Proves the Sunshine"

Haven't written here in a while. How dreadful!

Well, there's a lot that's been going on in my life this last while, so I will try to explain it. It's somewhat personal, but I'm going to share it anyway because I think we've all experienced a lot of this. I would like to offer hope and share what I have learned (and I also just need to get it out of my system). 

I think the easiest way to describe this last month or so has been... swimming in a pit of black slime. I thought I was just 'going through a stage' or something and it would pass. I thought 'oh, I'm just having a bad day. Tomorrow will be better.' Or I would think that it's just me and I had to just work through it on my own. That may work to push it aside for a time, but when it gets to the point where I feel too smothered to read my Bible or spend time with God, then it's dangerous. That's what happened most and I think that was what was pulling me deeper into the slime; feeling so out of it that I couldn't even talk to God (which I had normally been able to do SO easily).

A few weeks ago it got to the point where I felt like I was drowning. One of the most weak point in my heart was attacked right to the core; the ever-present and most absurd thought of 'I don't have any friends'. Pout, pout. It's a complete lie, but certainly a weak point (and for a lot of people in this stage of life, needing identity and a sense of belonging) in me that the Enemy loves to attack. That was the last straw that got pulled, leading me to be desperate. Desperate enough to actually (brace yourself!) call out to God. It was more a cry of the heart than anything. I had no words to say other than; ‘God. I need… Your… Help.’ Then I just lay there, letting my tears speak for themselves.

I think I thought that if I would want to talk to Him, even just in a casual way,  I would first have to confess my sins and disloyalty for not talking to Him sooner. I thought He would judge me.  I thought He wouldn’t accept me like He did before.

Absolute lies.

In fact, He accepted me all the more… without judging me. He opened His arms and held me in His strong embrace.

After that, I was able to praise Him again. Then it felt like a thousand chains just fell off me. I could dance again. I found that the more I praised Him, the more free I became.  And then I was able to read His word again but with a new perspective – one of joy.

(Ha, this is starting to sound SO unrealistic. But it’s true. It really is unreal!)

I believe that these dark times are attacks from Satan. There’s no denying it.  The Unseen is just as real (if not more real) than the seen. So how can one defend oneself from such attacks? I think a big aspect is being in God’s presence all the time and praying night and day (like what Paul said). Satan has no power of God, so we should always be surrounded by Him. I experienced being in God’s presence often, but it’s never been continual (I think that’s something that one kind of has to train oneself to do). Those times have been when I have been praising Him, and thanking Him, and worshiping Him for His complete goodness. I have found that having a heart and attitude of gratitude, is not only my best defense against the Enemy’s attacks, but also a means of my having complete satisfaction and fulfillment.  We are made to know and worship God. Our lives are not complete if we don’t, and will be running and searching for it (even if we don’t realize it) until we find it.

There will always be misery and bad things in the world, from natural disasters to times of depression, but if we focus on those bad things, we will only sink deeper. If we focus on God and His unwavering goodness, we can rise above those problems and actually be able to do something about them, perhaps! When we focus on the problems, it’s so easy to think ‘how can a good God let this happen??’ but if we focus on God’s perfect-ness (yup, a made up word there :P), then we realize how sad He actually is about our suffering and how He doesn’t like it. He won’t force Himself upon us, but wait for us to come to Him. That may seem very passive of Him, but it’s really quite the most gentlemanly thing to do.

I hope this didn’t seem too much like a sob story or a lecture or anything. It was meant to be an encouragement. I think honesty and vulnerability amongst the body of Christ is important, because then we are able to know and help each other at a deeper level.

God’s peace, joy, happiness be with you! :)

Disagreeing is Healthy

Some time ago, I was sitting at a local coffee shop reading some wonderful CS Lewis, when a couple (I'll call them Mr. and Mrs. S.) that I know came in too. We had coffee together and talked. It was awesome, so I'd like to share something I got out of that talk that left me reminiscing some time afterwards.

I was telling them how I believe my generation of believers needs to take more ownership of our faith and not just go along with what we're being spoon fed etc. Then, Mr. S. asked me 'So is there anything that you have disagreed with your parents about?' I said, 'Well, not really, actually.' That's what really got me thinking.

If I am to completely take ownership of my faith (ownership meaning; to call it my own; have Christ as my identity; live out my faith in daily life; believe in Him not because it's what I've been taught, but because I personally know He's true... etc), shouldn't I have had disagreements with my parents, or others who teach me? Maybe I'm sounding like a rebel. Allow me to explain.

We're all human, and all make mistakes and all mess up and all get things wrong. No matter how knowledgeable a person may be, they can still get things wrong (sometimes it's the people with the most 'logical' understanding that get the most things wrong, in some aspects). So with that in mind, we can't believe all that we've heard to be 'divine knowledge' and with nothing wrong with it. Often times the person may be bang on, but other times not so much. So how do we know what's what?

Through disagreeing. Here's why; when you disagree (or at least are somewhat skeptical) with what you're being taught, then you can go straight to Jesus with it. Praying and reading the Bible to hear what He has to say on the matter. Jesus is the Master of Answers so I think we can trust Him to be accurate. More accurate than any human being.

Now I'm not saying that everyone should ignore what they're being taught, or not to listen to what God has shown others, or what others have learned from His Word. No, we shouldn't completely stop up our ears from anything 'human'. God can use anybody.  But I think the more we get to know Jesus, and develop a closer relationship with Him, the more we are able to hear His voice/opinion of what is being said. I think it really comes down to relationship (but I'll talk about that more in another post perhaps).

It may be that there ends up being nothing to disagree about with what a person says, and that you've found (through looking to Jesus) that they are right on. Nothing wrong with that. What I'm saying here is more just setting one's heart and mind to a state of deciphering what to believe as true or what to believe as false; not believing in something because someone else, who seems to be more knowledgeable, says it's true, thinking that it's just easier to listen to them without discovering anything out on your own. That's just being lazy. If you look for truth half-heartedly, or not at all, you will most likely find dull and unclear answers. But if you look for truth with your whole heart and more, then you will find whole hearted, strong, and real answers.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened (Luke 11: 9. 10)."

Please feel free to disagree (and find the answers yourself) with what I've said. I'd love to hear your thoughts! :)

Freedom

Just to add a bit of awesomeness to your day... 

Flagging, 
in worship to the Lord, is

                                             amazingly 

freeing. 

'Coincidence', Marriage, Covenants

About a week ago was my first time going to this bible study that a friend of mine had invited me to. It turns out that the man leading/hosting it is actual acquainted with my mom and that we know his father (who had worked with my mom years ago)! He also knew the people whom my parents were visiting while I was at this bible study. I was quite taken aback by this 'coincidence'.

So, now to what we discussed in the study. The subject was on marriage and the difference between a covenant and a contract/promise. First of all, something I had never really realized or thought much of, was that marriage in the Bible is so much different than how it is today. The act of getting married became more and more formal/ceremonious as one looks through the Bible. At first they never really did extravagant ceremonies like we do today. I don't think I would want to go back to how they did it, but it is interesting to note nonetheless...

The modern idea of marriage has become more and more about finances, than about God. Now it is perfectly 'legal' to divorce, even though it may be sinful (most of the time) according to the Bible. When you take God out of the picture, it's way different and kind of out of place. According to the Bible, marriage is a covenant, but according to North American law, it's more like a contract. So what's the difference?

The difference is that in a covenant, you're not only vowing to your spouse, but also to God. That means it's forever. If you break that vow, it means you're not only sinning against your spouse, but against God (but of course, I do believe that there are circumstances where divorce is needed, and God allows it, even though He doesn't like it).

Ha. I am far too young to be married, but I found this all quite interesting.

Loving Others, Even Without Liking Them

I have just started participating in a class on some of CS Lewis' non-fiction books. It consists of reading the books (obviously), listening to lectures, discussing and asking questions (those last two being my most favourite). Presently, we are reading Mere Christianity. There is a lot I could say on the book, but there is one particular topic that Lewis explains very nicely (in a way has helped me understand it better/changed my perspective on it) that I would like to write my thoughts on. That topic is the concept of 'loving your neighbour as yourself'.

Whenever I had wanted to better understand that verse, I just looked at it as meaning the same as 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. I still think that is very much what it looks like, but I believe there is something more to it.

You see, I have always had trouble grasping (and I blame this on my not thinking about it often enough, but just pushing it to the back burner of my thoughts) exactly what it even means to 'love myself'. So for me to love someone else in that way is quite impossible, because I cannot honestly say that I love myself. What I mean is that there are so very many things about myself that I very much dispise and even hate. I honestly don't even like me. I think that is the case though; they are just that - 'things about myself', but not actually myself. I can still love myself, without love what I do - without even liking myself.

So just as this is how I love myself, this is also how I am to love others, even when I don't even like others/myself, or like what they/I do.

This brings a whole new light to the concept of 'loving your enemies' which I have found to be almost impossible. But loving them as I love myself, I think, is much easier to grasp. I can love my enemies without actually like them or what they do, but loving them because God made them and because He loves them, and He has asked me to love them.

I don't think God would tell us to do something that would totally contradict his commands, principles, and values, so He wouldn't ask us to like what our enemy does. Most likely, there is a reason why we have an enemy, or why we don't like that enemy. If some murderer were trying to hunt me down to kill me, he is my enemy because he wants to murder me. God is very much against murder, so He wouldn't ask me to love that murder's murderous behaviour. So obviously, God is not meaning that I love what that criminal does. But is it still possible for me to love the criminal himself? I think so; because God does. God doesn't like what we do, but He still loves us. Of course, it is very impossible to be like God, let alone love like Him, but with His help, and because we are created in His image, I believe we can at least begin to.

There is a lot more I could say on this subject, but my library computer time is almost out.

Perhaps this is all stuff that you already knew, or haven't found particularly hard to grasp, but it is relatively new to me. Or should I say, this way of looking at it, is relatively new.

First Post!

Hello, fellow computer-users!

I enjoy thinking about God, life, the Bible, music, and anything else related to those things. I am starting this blog in the hopes of journaling those thoughts. I invite you to take my hand and come with me on that journey...

Let's go!